My easy button and how it relates to everything I believe.

It has been quite a few weeks since I blogged here.  But I am back and here is the continuation from my last post about my day and how it relates to my weight loss and body image issues.  Click here to read my last post titled, learning to cry again, and continue reading below.  

The easy button, that big red button that declares life will be easier once you hit it.  That Staples commercial from a few years ago was so perfect.  We all have an easy button, wither it be a person, or an object or ideal,  it is the button you want to hit every time life gets hard, or you just need a little TLC.  But what do we do when our easy button is gone?  This past week I discovered who my easy button was and what it really meant when I lost it and how it has affected my daily life for the past six years.

My dad was my easy button.  He was the person I looked to for everything.  He became larger than life.  He stood for so much more than just my dad; he was in so many ways, my idol, and my god.

I never knew who much I relied on him to be my path to God until he was gone.  After all, he was the one who shared the gospel to me not once but twice before I finally received it.  He was the leader of every bible study in our church; he was the alpha in our house.  He was the one I looked to for spiritual guidance.  He was the one I looked to for the answers or at least the steps on where to find the answers to life's questions.  If I was having an issue with something, or having a bad attitude, I looked to him to straighten me out, to spit in my face, and then give me the Truth.  Yet, I knew he was only a man, I knew I had the Holy Spirit inside me, willing and ready to provide everything I needed, but daddy was always right there.  Did he let me down, sure, but he was my hero, and always found a way to fix it.  Did we butt heads, quite often, after all we were so much alike, but again it always worked itself out.  Dad was my easy button, my rock for 27 years.

Naturally, God knew all this, and he had a plan, a plan I did not agree with, a plan I hated Him for.  But a plan that worked itself out so beautifully, so loving, and so perfect.  I just did not see it at the time.  And yes, I did hate God, let's be real here, but it did not last long, as I realized He was in charge not me and His plans are always better than mine.

What does this have to do with my current weight loss/food journey?  Everything.  It is the final piece to the puzzle that God had finally put into place for me.  And what a glorious piece it is.  And here is where the puzzle started to fall apart.

My dad had a cancerous brain tumor, one that eventually took his life.  At one point during the final stages we (my husband, mom and sisters) we were all at a place where we did not want to face the truth because life without him would be too unbearable.  We all knew things were not looking good, yet still wanted to hope for a miracle, one that would not come, because it was not meant to.  I was still working as a teacher at the time and going to gym in the mornings before work, trying to keep things as normal as they could be.  That is where I made a deal with myself that started the lie, a lie I put in my box and sealed up tight and truthfully forgot about until just recently.

As I sat in the gym, the weight of the world on my shoulders, the feeling of pain and dread filling my mind I made a deal out of desperation.  I was desperate to control something.  I looked in the mirror and told myself that if I could not control my dad's health, I would and could control mine.  I would for the first time be the healthiest, the skinniest, the fittest girl I could be.  I would get that dream body I see in the magazines, I will exert my will on my body, because it is mine and I can control my body.  And for the past six years I made myself miserable and at times insane to accomplish this goal, this deal I made during my darkest hour.

I have always wondered where my extreme bodies imagine issues come from.  I have just always assumed they were always there and over time just grew.  But no, the moment I made that bargain with myself was the moment it became like a death sentence for me to ever see myself as I really am, so see myself as more than what my body looks like.

There were times after my father's death that I was so crazed, so out of control about my appearance that is was ridiculous.  To go out on a simple date with my husband I would go through 30 different outfits, throw a pity party because none of them looked just right, and throw myself on the bed in defeat.  Honestly, at times I am not sure how my husband did not throw my butt in the loony bin.  But again being skinny, having that perfect body was my ticket to being happy again.  And when I could not obtain that perfect body, my world would come crashing down on me and I no longer had my easy button, I was lost.  I would punish myself with food.  I would eat because I thought I was fat therefor I should be fatter, or eat/drink to punish myself for eating too much.  It was a cycle, I cycle I felt powerless to break, because deep down I did not want to break it, I needed to exert that control.  I was saved by Christ, but so lost in my lie, lost in my box, to lost to see any truth.

Back to the present.  I realized what I was doing about a year ago, and have slowly started the shed that extreme hold my image has had, but again the final piece fell into place just last week.  God works in His own time because He knows when we will be ready to listen and move forward with His Truth, not our own.

Since my dad's passing I have had to learn how to rely on Christ for the first time in my beleivership. My easy button was gone; I tried to replace it with so many other things, but was always pulled back to Him.  It's hard to release deep seeded beliefs, lies you have held on to like truths.  It's scary, pulling back the layers and finding out what you thought would make you happy was nothing but whale dung.  It is uneasy, yet powerfully freeing.  I feel vulnerable, yet amazing warm and comforted.  It is like being released from shackles, shackles of lies, shackles of studipty, just gone, done with, broken, free forever.  That box has been opened once again, and some more trash, some really heavy trash is being poured out, and Christ's love is being poured in to replace it.  His eternal, perfect love that fills everything and is in everything, even if we can't see it.  He is there and always will be.

Learning to cry again

I know you know your Sunday songs
A dozen verses by memory
Yeah they're good but life is hard
And days get long
You gotta know God can handle your honesty
So feel the things your feeling
Name your fears and doubts
Don't stuff your shame and sadness, loneliness and anger
Let it out, let it out

You don't need to run
You don't need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It maybe tomorrow
You'll be past the sorrow
But tonight it's alright

Just cry
Just cry

-

Lyrics by Mandisa, song titled Just Cry from the Album What if we were real?

I have always asked the same question, why me God, why did you give me such a defective body, I mean did you think about this before you created me?  Seriously these hips, this butt, and what about all this cellulite, really?!  What were you thinking?  And don't get me started on my boobs.  These are all questions I have honestly asked.  Not to mention the whole unfair thing.  A pity party on why I can't eat or drink as I please and not put on any weight, it is so unfair.  Talk about a whining middle school student.  But hey, we all have to ask those questions to get to the answer.  If we are never honest with ourselves we can never open our hearts and ears to hear the truth that we so desperately seek.  So while the questions may be shallow and self-centered they were asked for a reason, and now I have my answer.

Mariah Carey, her post baby weight loss, and why we care.

picture via Mirror 

I was browsing the Internet yesterday and came across an article about Mariah Carey and her post baby body.  Normally I just skip past these types of articles, if I read them I feel sorry for myself and ask, why not me?  Then jealousy ensues and a pity party is next.  But this time I clicked on it.

Truth in numbers. Two months down and feeling good.

Hard to believe only two short months ago I decided to get real about my weight gain.  Only two short months ago, I realized my eating habits were not being kind to my hips.  Only two short months ago, did I realize my wine consumption was a little out of control.  Only two short months ago did I fully grasp what I did to myself, and fully understand it was not a healthy way to live.  Only two short months ago I weighed in at 154, with a bad attitude about myself, food, and wine.

Something to chew on: Breaking my gum addiction one stick at a time

Hi, my name is Renee and I am an obsessive compulsive gum addict.  And I have been gum free for seven days now.  Insert people nodding heads approvingly and clapping here.

Yes, I am addicted to gum, this may not sound like a huge issue, one I really need to be concerned about, or even try to fix, but you would be wrong.  And for two weeks now I have been tackling my gum obsession.

Why gum?  And why us it such a big deal?

Week 7: 10 reasons why I hate losing weight

What was going on in my brain last week?

Now that I have your attention with my post title here it goes.  This is my list of 10 reasons I often use myself or hear about when trying to lose those unwanted pounds.   And these are in no particular order.  Watch out for the dose of sarcasm.

Week 6: Time to be brave. Time to be real.

Here's what I been thinking about.

My mom told me recently I am a deep thinker, a little scary if you ask me.  Ha!  But seriously, it did get me thinking about a ton of stuff the last couple of days, and yes, most of it did have to do with weight issues, but also just being honest about who I am and what this weight loss journey really means.  Time to be real, like one of my new favorite artists Mandisa would say in her song,  no more temporary fills, no more hidin'.  


Time to be brave.

Week 5: A super week with a super attitude

So how did I do?

I titled this post super because it really was a great week.  Everything, both eating and emotions were on track and back to normal.  I am not sure what the scale will say yet, as it is also my monthly gift week, but regardless, I will not let it get me down or distract me from my goal.

Time to throw down some F bombs and soar like an eagle.

Here is my warning, my parental advisory lyrics label.  I have a pretty hard core potty mouth, something I am not proud of, but nonetheless it is the truth.  While I do not cuss all the time and all over the place, when I am angry or frustrated my favorite word has a handy way of being  an adjective,verb, and a noun.  So if you are sensitive to foul language close your eyes and skip reading until the next paragraph.

Week 4: Weigh in results

Once I weighed myself I was really considering lying, but what purpose would that serve, besides I am working on changing how I view myself, and lying would not help that!  This is my first thumbs down weigh in. Oh well, time to move on and get back to a thumbs up next week.  Here are my new numbers.

BMI: 25.12

Weight : 150.8

up 1.5 pounds since last week.

Well they say the scale does not lie!  And yes, I know that to be true.  Yes, I could choose to lie to myself like I have so many times in a the past and say, it is just muscle Renee, so don't worry about anything.  The problem with that thought process is, it gives me permission to not change my eating habits or any destructive behaviors, which then leads to more weight gain, and I get further and further from my goal.  Yes, I could be getting more muscles and the muscle mass is replacing fat mass, but my goal is not become a muscle queen.  I still have too much weight on my body for my frame, therefor, pounds still need to come off.

I could say a million different things to rationalize the weight gain, but it all comes down to a choice.  Do I choose to recognize what I did as far as my eating patterns not being so great, and therefor get back to what I know I need to do, or again throw a pity party.  Well as you read in my previous post, I have been there done that, and not going back.  I already made my mistakes last week, and now the scale is letting me know, hey you got caught so cut it out if you want to reach your goal weight.  Yesterday and Monday I got back to basics and I did not let the previous weeks attitude trickle into this week.  And besides, now I can celebrate getting below 150 twice!  It is all how you look at things, and I am choosing not to dwell on the negative but move forward and regain that momentum!

Thank you and good luck!

Week 4: Welcome to my pity party

So how did I do?


I would like nothing more than to tell you I did fantastic, never felt better in my life, I have this whole weight loss thing in the bag now after only a month.  Now, that would not only be a lie but unrealistic.  And here is why.

I did struggle with some old demons this week.  It started off dealing with a problem I am sure most of us have encountered in our life, bonus family members, and birthday parties.  To keep things on the down low I will refer to the stress as the "event".  As we all know dealing with an "event" can be stressful and what do I want to do when stressed?  Eat and drink.  Luckily, I did not open any wine after getting home from the "event", and believe me it would have been at least a two bottle night.  However, I did slip back into bad habits during the week, until I properly dealt with my stressed feelings.  I am not sure if the habits will show up on the scale yet, however I know how they made me feel and react to food, and that is the problem.

I slip back into this bad habit when either I want to commit diet suicide or when I have some underlying stress.  That habit is snacking around on anything and everything.  I have a pretty set schedule of when I eat, to keep this bad habit at bay, including snacks, now my son however is all over the map.  He is the snacking king, as he often does not eat full meals because he cannot sit still for long enough.  So I either leave out his food so he can go back to it later, or he asks for snacks all day long.  Why am I telling you this, well because I will sneak his snacks or am tempted to eat every time he does regardless of my hunger level when stressed.  And that makes me feel like crap, how do I add up a bit of this, and a taste of that, in my food diary.  Well I don't, and then I am not accurate with my food intake which makes the scale and belly bulge slip upward. The issue with not knowing how to record my sneaky snacks is simple, I don't really think I have eaten that much, because overall I haven't, but in reality all those little samples add up and they add up fast on my hips.

Now I know I cannot be the only person in the world who does this.  I know this is an easy bad habit that most mom's can fall into.  I laugh at myself sometimes, because it is kinda like I am the official taste tester, you know to see if the food if okay for human consumption, or to taste for any poison like in the movie, The Princess Bride.  Anyways, this is not a healthy behavior and one that needs to be nipped in the bud before it gets out of control.

By Thursday, after a big argument with my husband, I figured out what I was stressed about and how to get a handle on the snacking before any permanent damage was done.  However, I still had some mental damage to attend to.  And that was to not feel sorry for myself just because am not perfect, just because I slip into old bad habits.  And yes, I, like so many dieters out there, strive for perfection without taking into account the real world and all the temptations and pitfalls daily life throws in your face.

Everyone, (well everyone I know) has weight issues to deal with and traps they frequently fall into, that is just life.  The difference between falling on your face and staying down, and picking yourself back up is rather easy.  Stop throwing yourself a pity party, nobody wants to come but you anyways.  Believe me, I have tried and tried to get my poor husband to all my pity parties, but he just refuses to RSVP.  The longer you stay down the longer it takes to get back to good habits.  Realize you will fall and that is okay.  It is not about how many times you fall but how many times you pick yourself back up, adjust your attitude and move forward.  Nothing good ever comes out of a negative attitude, nothing.  And you make everyone around you miserable, and they then all wish your were fat again and because then at least you were pleasantly plump and where more fun to be around.  The people who love you and have supported you through your weight loss suddenly and unknowingly try to sabotage you, because you are making them so miserable with your loser attitude.

So my challenge to you and myself this week is, get back to a good and healthy attitude on weight loss.  And remember if you fall, who cares, get back up and everything will be okay.  Remember, only One person was born perfect, and it wasn't you.

This was previously published on my wine blog on 1/30/12

Made to Crave with a side order of Truth.

"My friend E. Titus sums it up what I am discovering as well:"


"When I get all caught in in how unfair it is that my friend is skinny and doesn't have to work at it, how she can eat what she wants when she wants, and how much it stinks that I can't be like her, I remind myself that God didn't make me to be her.  You see, He knew even before I was born that I could easily allow food to be an idol in my life, that I would go to food, instead of to Him, to fulfill my needs.  And in His great wisdom, He created my body so that it would experience the consequences of such a choice, so that I would continually be drawn back into His arms.  He wants me to come to Him for fulfillment, emotional healing, comfort---- and if I could go to food for that and never gain an ounce, well then, what would I need God for?"

quote from the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst chapter 10 page 105

I read this quote over a week ago and it still knocks me down every time I read it.  Reading it is like a punch to the gut the takes my breathe away and leaves me gasping for air.  Never in my life has something hit me this hard, making me feel so small, yet so free.  It is like God had that written just for me, a serious answer to everything I have asked Him about in the last 20 years of my life.  Just powerful words with just amazing truth.

Time to discover what else is in my box, open it, examine it, rip it to shreds, and toss it in the trash.  Time to replace trash with Truth.

Week 3 Weigh in day

This week I started to lack the zeal and enthusiasm for recording all my calories on my fun little app, caloriecounter.com.  However, I am pleased to say I still recorded two weekend days, Friday and Sunday and did not throw in the towel for the whole week.  I had to force myself to sit down and get everything punched in, but I did it!  And I am so thankful I did not give up because I hit a huge milestone!

Wii and Wine: Truth in Numbers: Weekly Weigh in #2

Great news!  Numbers went down!  Which means I lost most of the weight I put on during the stressful holidays.  I am now only 2 pounds away from being in the healthy BMI zone.  So without further ado here are my new numbers:

BMI : 25.23

Weight : 151.4 :)

All this means that tracking your foods (with or without the calorie amount) and exercise along with keeping the stress levels down can lead to weight loss success.  All things I already knew, but chose to forget about in the last last year or so.  Silly me, but hey, it keeps life interesting always looking for the magic weight loss pill.

Also I did drink wine three days last week, however the key was to stick to only one or two glasses a day.  And if you are a women, it is important to note, if you are going to drink wine with your meal make sure you are still getting in your dairy/calcium.  The best way I have found to accomplish that goal is, to have a glass of milk with breakfast or lunch and yogurt as a snack.

Looking forward to next week!

This post first appeared on my wine blog wineabit.net on January 19, 2012

Week 2 Review

So how did I do?


Last week my goal was to journal at least one full day over the weekend, and I am happy to say I meet that goal.  I recorded all Friday and Saturday.  It was not easy, I had to make myself do it just to prove that I could do it.  And it was a good thing I did because, I found out that I need to save more calories for the weekends.  Something I already knew, but like anything, without the hard evidence you can conveniently forget.  And it seems like Saturday is my big food and wine day.  So now I know and can plan accordingly.


That is the best part about tracking what you eat is, you can figure out any eating patterns and then formulate a plan to deal with any issues.  Sometimes your plans are genius and work right away, and other times it takes tons of tweaking.  I have not come up with a big grandiose plan yet, but I will be thinking about one in the next couple days and then see if it works for Saturday. 


One big change I know I need to make is the Sprouts bin treats.  I love those stupid bins, but they are not very helpful when you are trying to slim down.  And Wednesday, for some reason has always been the day I want to give myself a little treat and it is also the day I go grocery shopping at Sprouts.  The last row of bins are the most tasty and tempting, therefore I need to steer clear of that isle.  In addition, since that is the day I like to treat myself I should add wine to my evening dinner.  That way I have something to look forward to at the end of the day, and it can help me to stay clear of those devil bins.


I did struggle a bit in the middle of the week with munching around.  Once again, I know it has to do with not really planning a big calorie day.  Now that I know my big calorie day is going to be Saturday it should help with the munching during the week.   Like I said last week, it is important to include your favorite foods/drinks into your life but, you need to be smart about how you go about that.  I also noticed I saved all my wine drinking for the weekend, again not the best plan.  I am usually better off if I space it out during the week, that way I am not tempted to overindulge once I open a bottle.  I did not over do my wine intake, however I like to stick to one or two glasses a night, and a couple nights I had three.  So not horrible, just not where I would like to be.


Overall, I feel so much better both physically and mentally.  It is very refreshing to have food and wine back in it's appropriate place on the priority list.  My energy and mental well being are both up and in the healthy zone.  I am not thinking about how fat I am, how I look compared to other women, and better yet, not always thinking about my next meal or treat.  Next week's goals are to do the same, log at least one weekend day and keep my healthy attitude.  And yes, find a solution for my big calorie day and make it worth the extra calories. 


And the whole month of menu planning, I love it!  I must say, it is a brilliant idea on my behalf.  And I am still loving my Wii exercises.  I will talk more about the Wii next week.


Thank you and enjoy!

Weekly Diary
Day 8:

Buttermilk oven fried chicken with roasted potatoes and coleslaw
Exercise:  1 hour 15 min Cardio Box class at the YMCA

Day  9:

Southeast Asian Fried Rice (this was an excellent chioce for anyone who loves fried rice)
Exercise: 45 min NFL training camp and 15 min Wii Fit yoga

Day 10:

Caribbean shrimp salad (this was so good and would have loved an Albarino white wine to complement it)
Exercise: Wii Gold's Gym Cardio for 20 minutes

Day 11:

Thai beef salad (made by my sister, we do a weekly meal exchange every Wednesday)
Exercise: 30 min Wii NFL Training Camp and 20 min Wii Gold's Gym

Day 12:

Golden Winter Soup, side salad with mixed greens drizzled with champage vinegar and pumpkin seed oil topped with a TBS of pumpkin seeds.  Served with 2009 Castle Rock Pinot Nior from California $9.99

This is one of the few Pinot Noir's under the $10 range that is always worth the money.  Most of the time if you see a Pinot Noir under ten bucks, my advice is to walk on by, unless you can taste it first.  This one always delivers great Pinot taste and satisfies even the pickiest Pinot lover.  The wine was wonderful with the soup as it complemented the earthy quality of the cheese.  The texture of the soup and wine were also sung a beautiful song together.  Terrific pairing.
Exercise: 30 min Wii NFL Training Camp and 20 Wii Fit as a warm up

Day 13:Mom's Spaghetti and meatballs with green beans and freshly baked bread, served with Page Springs Cellars and Vineyards 2010 SGMP ( I will be doing a separate post on this meal since the paring was outstanding)
Exercise: 45 Min Wii Gold's Gym Cardio Box

Day 14: 

Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Chicken with brown rice and snow peas served with the amazing Sand-Reckoner Rose'
This TJ's meal is really good, the only pre-made frozen food I ever eat.  It is our to-go meal if we are too lazy to cook or have an empty fridge,  we always keep this dish on hand.
No exercise, just walked the dog before football

This post was originally published on January 17, 2012 on my wine blog wineabit.net

Wii & Wine Week 1 Review

So how did the first week work out? 


I would say pretty good,  overall I made much better food choices and really thought about what I was going to eat before it went into my mouth.  I know you are wondering looking at my meals, how is she going to lose weight eating fried fish, hamburgers, and Fettuccine Alfredo?  Simple I say, these are all food I love (except for the fried fish, that was a meal I owned to my husband after losing a bet), however I have found through Cooking Light, how to make them healthy.  Every recipe was both nutritious and good for you if you followed the recipe and portion size.


The first week I was not going to write down points or calories on anything I ate, just writing the foods down was a huge first step.  I have been rebelling from doing the whole journal thing for a while, namely because I was lazy and did not want to face the truth of what I was eating.  I found a fantastic app for your iPhone or iPod, named caloriecounter.com.  I started using it on Sunday and love it! It gives you options to scan the food bar code, type in the calories, or speak to it to find the foods in the database.  The reason I love it,  the ease of use and huge food database.  I have tried many other weight loss tracking apps and websites in the past and have always found them to be clunky, and overly complicated.  So far, I have tracked my foods by either typing in the calories or using the talking method and both have been really great. 


I still struggled to write down everything on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  I wrote about half of Friday, none from Saturday, and half from Sunday.  I was a little mad at myself initially, but decided to cut myself a break.  I am not striving for perfection here, just doing my best to make healthy and smart eating decisions.  So my goal for this weekend is, write down one full weekend day's of foods. 


Another great idea I came up with is a new menu planning scheme.  I am one of the few people in this world who seems to not got horrified by the idea of meal planning.   I typically plan out my dinners for the week, it just makes life way more simple.  So I took that idea a step further and planned for the entire month of January.  I busted out my January issues of Cooking Light, printed out a calender and plotted out the entire month of dinners.  That might sound overwhelming at first, but I watch football all day on Sunday anyways, so it just gives me something productive to do while being a couch potato.  I will keep you posted on how this new scheme works out.


And it may look like I am an exercise queen but, my husband was home on winter break, so I had more time on my hands to exercise and explore the workouts on the Wii.  I do not see this week looking the same since he went back to work and my schedule is now back to being a little busier.


That's it!  Let's keep this train rolling!


Thank you and have a great day.


This was originally posted on 1/11/12 on my other site wineabit.net

Week 1: The dreaded weigh in.

Here is the first post I wrote on my wine blog about my weight loss journey.  Each week I will include my current weight post along with one of my old ones.  This way it will be easier to follow and see where I have been and where I am going.  Thank you!

Wii and Wine: Truth in the numbers - The weekly weigh in

I have dreaded writing this post, yet knew it would be a must if I was going to keep myself honest, posting my weekly weight.  Like most women, I either lie or avoid saying my scale number for various reasons.   I have been always embarrassed to admit what the scale said, regardless of what the results were because I was never happy with the number.  Even at my lowest weight, I was still not satisfied with the scale, as I always thought it should be lower.  And it did not help that every graph and goal weight literature I read reinforced this sick notion.  So, to help myself get over my scale fears and maybe to inspire you to do the same, every week I am going to weigh in and post that number here.

Am I a little scared, yes, however at the same time relieved.  As it is no longer a deep dark secret that only I and my moral enemy, the scale, knows about.  After all, it is only a number and it does not define who I am and what I can and cannot do in life.

My weight loss goals are also very simple and realistic for once in my life.  I am not looking to be a supermodel or a fitness model, or anything in between.  I am looking at getting back into the clothes that I already have in my closet, but are currently in the "too tight, does not fit" pile.  I am not looking for my jeans to say size 2 but to get back into the ones that say size 8.  That's it.  Should be simple, but with my history of hyper body dismorphia, it could be a challenge, but a challenge that for the first time I am ready to take head on and not hide from.

So here it goes my first set of stats!  Every Tuesday I will be weighing in on the Wii Fit using the balance board which does everything for me, and cannot cheat!

 

My current weight is: 153.2

My current BMI is: 25.53 which for me at just under 5'5" means I am slightly overweight (really!)

I set a goal to get my BMI to 24.99 which is at the top end of the healthy zone, which is only a weight loss of 4 pounds.  And my plan is to lose those pounds over the course of the next 30 days, a very reasonable goal.  I am not following any crazy weight loss or fitness plan, just writing down everything I eat, and being active.  There is no magic pill, even though I have been looking for one for my entire adult life, just eat less and move more!  Exactly what I plan on doing!  With a little wine and great food naturally:)

So wish me luck and join the fun!

This was originally published on 1/3/12

Wii and Wine

Wii and Wine : The new wine and food series

After a year of blogging about food and wine I have noticed something I am not too happy with, weight gain.  Like most people in this world gaining and losing weight is a constant battle.  I have been battling my bulge since I took my first steps into adulthood, entering college and living on my own.

Growing up, I had an overall healthy outlook about food, and was not too self conscience about my weight.  My mom cooked healthy meals and always stressed the importance of eating our fruits and veggies.  Enter high school, all the pretty and popular girls made me feel insecure and heavy.  Being a girl with Polish and German blood running through my veins, I have always been heavier than my friends but never fat.  However, when you are not a size 0 or 2 everything thing else is considered pudgy.  Hence high school, is when I developed an unhealthy body image and issues with food.  I have battled those issues ever since, and it was not until recently I got a better handle on it.

I lost 25 pounds after having my son, and was very happy and satisfied with my weight.  However, in my opinion I was still not perfect even though everyone, and everything else pointed to the opposite.  Slowing the weight crept back on since I never got to the root of my body image problem.

Enter in present day.  Since I started the blog, I have dealt with many body image and food issues and overall have a better since of where it all belongs.  Eating good is important, drinking good wine is fun, but not at the expense of my health.  While I have only gained between 5-10 pounds over the coarse of the last year, those pounds are not good on my frame, and make me feel uncomfortable.  Therefore, with all the holiday stress and business behind me now I have had a chance to really evaluate my weight and overall health.  With that evaluation I have come up with an idea for a new series on the blog.

I received a Wii Nintendo system this Christmas, yes I know I am late to the whole Wii stage, but hey better late than never.  Since it was given to us to use as a fitness system, we went out and purchased the Wii Fit Plus and a few other fitness video games.  I am not a video game player, and believe they are a time sucking vortex that only wastes time and brain cells.  However, the Wii can be a useful system to use as a fitness and health device.  I have always been a home fitness fan, because you don't have to drive anywhere to workout and I can look like a complete idiot and no one can see it.  So the Wii balance board and other fitness games play the perfect role to help me attain my new goals.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the concept the Wii Fit, it can calculate your weight, and track your progress for you with the handy dandy balance board.  It can also help you set goals and work on other various aspects of you fitness and overall health, plus the games are just fun.

My goal with this post series is simple, to blog my progress with losing that initial 5-10 pounds and then how I keep that weight off while still enjoying great food and wine.  I think it is so important to not give up the things we love, as long as they are not destructive, but figure out how to make them a part of our lives in a healthy way.  After all, wine itself is not the devil and neither is chocolate cake.  If you are using those things to cope with life, than yes they are destructive.  Wine and whatever trigger food you have, was not made so that life can become easier, and nor were they made just to taunt you.  They were made for enjoyment, not gluttony or enlightenment.

For the first month, I will chronicle my eating habits along with my progress with the Wii Fitness.  I am planning on cooking out of Cooking Light magazine for the month of January.  As I have written before,  Cooking Light is a wonderful resource for great tasting, healthy meals, and I have a ton of magazines to draw from.  I will note my progress with this plan, as well as how I incorporate wine into it.  I do not believe on giving up on wine, however I am just not sure how I will fit the whole thing in yet.  My goal is to find the right balance and finally get a grip on the whole weight, food, fitness, and wine thing, and chronicle that journey with you.

I am not quit sure how this series will look yet, but I know it will be fun to share, because I am not the only person in the world who enjoys good food and wine and is still looking to stay in shape.  So please join me on this discovery, and if you are looking for the same thing, please share your journey with me here on the blog, on twitter, google+, or facebook.

Thank you and as always enjoy!

What is inside your box?

A box.  Such a simple object, yet it can have such a powerful meaning.  It can define your life, and put you in chains.  It can lock you up and never let go.  Why?

I have been reading a fabulous book my sister suggested a couple weeks back.  Actually she discovered it from singer Mandisa's website.  She was going to read it, and then let us know if it was worth the read.  Well, I naturally got very curious, and since the last time we talked she had still not picked up the book, I jumped the gun and purchased it on my own.  The book is titled, Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst.  And so far it has hit home on several key points I have been struggling with and rediscovering since I started this new weight loss journey back in January.  One of them is about our box and identity.